Is there someone in your deep heart?

Ian, my best friend in Cincinnati, has dated with a lovely girl, Jenny, for few months. We all knew Ian has a girl, Laura, in his deep heart. A girl once he had loved very much. Laura is a term we can’t mention in front of Ian. It is too deep. Just like Ian, I have a girl like Laura in my deep soul, too.

Few days ago, during a lunch time chit-talk. Rob asked me about if Ian is going to merry Jenny. I hell don’t know about it. They just date for few months, though I think they will become a great couple. The following question hit my heart. “Does Ian already forget Laura?” I don’t know what’s exactly in Ian mind. But I think I know the answer. I answered, “I don’t know, we don’t talk about Laura, but I can tell you my perspective. If I am Ian, the girl like Laura I will never forget. She was there, she is there right now, and she shall be for a long long time. Even if I have a good girlfriend like Jenny, that girl in my deep heart will still be there. But I know I will move on definitely, these two things don’t conflict. This is that simple. This is life. She is always there; just life is still going on. In some points, a good girl can help you moving on, but can’t make you forget things.” Then we had a quiet time sitting on the couch in our lab. Rob knew what I was talking about, I was talking about myself. I think if we live long enough, we will all have someone in our deep heart. Those people don’t know about what feeling is this are just few lucky bustards.

For myself, have I moved on yet? I don’t know. I think I am ready to move on. The thing I lack right now is a girl like Jenny to Ian. Let me feel some kind of love again. Then, I can say out of loud that I pass over it. And I claim I have moved on already. The fact is I haven’t met that girl yet.

This is February again. The single awareness day (SAD) is coming up next week and I am still alone as usual. Do I fell sad? Yes. But what I can do, NOTHING! The only thing I can do just keep running. This is why I am training for my first marathon in my life. Having a terrific goal I can achieve and brag about it, Having a goal to make sure I am all right in some degree, having a thing to occupy my mind, and having a goal to make myself feel I am still alive.